Hello? Help Desk...

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.

******

Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.........Never mind.

******

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Talking Dog For Sale!

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

It's a miracle!

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.

The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

I can relate!

Interpreting Employment Ads

"Competitive Salary"
- We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"Join Our Fast Paced Company"
- We have no time to train you.

"Casual Work Atmosphere"
- We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

"Must be Deadline Oriented"
- You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"Some Overtime Required"
- Some time each night, some time each weekend.

"Duties will Vary"
- Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an Eye for Detail"
- We have no quality control.

"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience"
- You will need to replace three people who just left.

"Problem Solving Skills a Must"
- You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

How To Survive The Day At The Office

Thanks to: A Welsh View for this comic.

You missed it...

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess?
He asked if I'd been 'puting,
And I had to answer "yes"

He told me to get off my butt
And tidy up the house
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click'

But click, I did, and LOL I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night
[Sigh]

Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney