TOP 9 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD BAPTISM SERVICE

9. The Coast Guard is involved.

8. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.

7. Pastor wears scuba gear.

6. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from "Jaws."

5. The preacher uses a "Billy the Bass" singing "Take Me to the River" instead of the traditional "Shall We Gather at the River?"

4. You keep hearing the pastor saying, "Oops! Honestly, sister; I didn't know about that drop-off!"

3. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear.

2. Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.

1. Two words: Alka Seltzer