Dear Tide

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

Well one thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Later, my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief. I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go now, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people...

Signed,

A relieved menopausal wife